Hold On, Hold On, Hold On
by lies-d
Summary: During prolonged captivity on a Wraith hive ship, Rodney McKay becomes desperate and willing to do anything to survive. Todd/McKay slash.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Thanks so much to my lovely beta readers, Agata and Tally. You guys are great!

*~*~*

Chapter 1

There was a bowl of fruit on the floor beside him, and a display screen full of equations on the wall opposite, but otherwise the room was empty, save for Rodney himself.

Knotted with vein-like tendrils and glowing with red light from within, the translucent walls were uncomfortable to look at. Even the warm, carapace-like floor felt wrong underneath him. Rodney really hated Wraith ships, most especially when he was trapped inside them, but at least this time he wasn't stuck in a cocoon.

Rodney did his best to focus on the display, and tied to stay awake. Having been knocked out during his capture, he was keenly aware of the possibility of a concussion.

He'd spent at least an hour trying to hack into the door panel, and another trying to pry it open with his bare hands. He told himself that he was only resting a bit before he tried again, and he wondered if there was anyone else from his team trapped in a similar room nearby, having better luck. He realized that the less captives the Wraith had, the better, but it was comforting to think that John or Ronon might be around somewhere, ready and willing to help him escape.

The last thing he remembered was digging through a patch of rubble at Michael's last research site, trying to find more information about the hive-growing pathogen. Teyla was back in Atlantis with newly-born Torren, or she might have been able to warn them of any Wraith presence on the planet. As it was, Rodney had heard the high-pitched whine of dart engines, and then... nothing.

The fruits were alien, and possibly drugged, Rodney imagined. Still, after a long spell of staring at the equations, he found that he'd eaten half of them quite without realizing it. They were slightly sweet, but mostly bland, and they didn't make him feel any different, so he continued eating, rationalizing that he could plan a way out of here much better on a full stomach than an empty one. You needed calories to think – everyone knew that.

He was halfway through the last piece of fruit when the Wraith walked in. Spitting out his current bite, he threw the rest of the fruit at the Wraith's head, before launching himself up in an attempted tackle.

The Wraith barely flinched, but only took Rodney by the shoulders and shoved him forcefully back onto the floor. Nonchalantly, the Wraith wiped fruit juice from the well-aimed throw off of a familiar star-burst pattern on its cheek. It was Todd.

"Sit down, Dr. McKay. I have no desire to damage you," said Todd.

Rodney watched in despair as the door closed firmly behind his captor. Shakily, he stood up and crossed his arms.

"No," he replied peevishly. "I'll stand."

The Wraith sighed. "Very well, then. Stand."

Rodney fidgeted, annoyed by a sudden urge to rebel against this command as well. He lifted his chin defiantly instead, looking Todd straight in the eye, until the creepiness of the slitted yellow stare drained his resolve, and his glare faltered.

"Do you have any theories yet as to why you're here?"

"I assumed it was because you missed my sparkling personality."

The Wraith smiled dryly and inclined his head to the side, as though in appreciation of Rodney's little joke.

"Close," he admitted. "It was rather the lustrous qualities of your mind that I felt were sorely missing from my little project," he explained, gesturing toward the display of equations.

As susceptible to flattery as he was, Rodney enjoyed a few moments of smugness before his brain finally registered the more significant bits of information in that sentence.

"That? Is a project? I thought it was graffiti!"

"The concept is a dated one, but I've recently decided that it bears revisiting."

"If you want my professional opinion, it's garbage! The conclusions are drawn from totally flawed premises. If you tried to construct something using _that_ as a theoretical groundwork, you'd probably just blow yourself up! So, you know, go on ahead and knock yourself out." Rodney crossed his arms. "Look, why do you even need me to tell you this? If I recall, you're not exactly a lightweight in the knowledge department either, Mr. Ten-thousand-year-old-evil-scientist. Unless you're not as smart as I thought you were."

"I have supplementary evidence to support many elements of this theory, but my work has come to an impasse. I thought a new perspective, especially one familiar with Ancient technology, might be able to shed some light. And I'm sure you'll take great pains not to blow yourself up while working on it. Unless _you're_ not as brilliantly intelligent as I thought you were."

Rodney's lip curled in annoyance. He wasn't taking the bait this time.

"I'd rather blow myself up than help you," Rodney stated with as much vehemence as he could muster.

Todd stared at Rodney in cool appraisal.

"Based on the conclusions of this equation, Dr. McKay, what is it you think I'm trying to build?" The Wraith asked after some consideration.

Rodney took a look at the display and made a few mental leaps.

"A weapon," he concluded, slightly puzzled. "A Wraith weapon – I mean, one designed to attack Wraith ships."

"And do you think it could be adapted for use in attacking humans?"

Rodney glanced over again. "No. Not unless humans started traveling by hive. Why would you want to create a weapon to destroy yourselves?"

The Wraith spread his hands. "For the same reason your kind has undoubtedly developed weapons to attack each other. I won't bore you with the details of Wraith internecine politics, Dr. McKay, but suffice it to say that such a device would be a great advantage to someone in my situation. And I might point out that it could also be of benefit to your species were there to be someone of high rank in Wraith society who was… less hostile to negotiation."

"Well that's a firm assurance of reward." Rodney snorted. "What if I said it would take something a little more guaranteed to get me to help you?"

The Wraith smiled. "I guarantee that I'll feed on you if you don't agree to help."

Rodney winced. "Small carrot, big stick, I get it."

"I pride myself on my ability to negotiate."

"Yeah, I bet you do."

*~*~*

End of Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Two Months Later

"I've told you before, and I'm telling you again. It's _garbage_," declared Rodney. Hunched over one of the worktables, he pressed his eyes with the palms of his hands. The low light levels of the Wraith ship caused him eyestrain _every _single day, and he was starting to think it was settling in as a permanent condition.

Behind him, Todd studied the results of his latest equipment test, and Rodney could almost hear his disparaging remarks being formulated.

"Yes, maybe _some _parts of it aren't as garbage-y as I'd originally thought, but on the whole we're still working with a few deep flaws, and there's only so much I can cobble together out of spit and guesses." Rodney picked up one of the tools from the tray in front of him, squinting at the end of it. It may have been calibrated improperly, but his eyes wouldn't focus enough for him to tell. He dropped it back onto the tray.

"Look, I've got to get some sleep. Will you just put me back in my room?"

"There are many variables to check, and it would go faster if you didn't sleep so much."

"Tough nuts. Humans need to spend at least a third of the time sleeping, you knew that before you picked me up."

"You have been asleep nearly as much as you've been awake. That's half your time."

Rodney frowned. Having no clocks around, he hadn't realized that. "Yeah, well it probably means I'm in poor health. You could try getting me some better food." He rubbed his eyes again, felt the patchy beard that had grown in for lack of a razor.

"Plus there's the fact that this is all pretty exhausting for me. You may or may not have noticed during your captivity that humans usually spend about a third of their time _not_ working. You know – free time, recreation? Not that there's much of anything fun to do on a Wraith ship, but if I have to stare at those damn equipment readouts _all_ day, I'll go nuts."

The Wraith leaned over beside Rodney. "From what my crew has told me, you've found enough 'free time' to indulge in a few 'recreational activities' of your own," he pointed out, very nonchalantly, bringing one hand forward to reveal the pen-sized tool that Rodney had modified to open Wraith locks.

Rodney stiffened. His ribs and back still throbbed with bruises from the beating the other Wraith had summarily inflicted when they'd discovered him trying to smuggle the device into his room. As familiar as breathing lately, fear flooded through his body in dread of what further discipline Todd might inflict.

Trying hard not to shrink from the Wraith's oppressively close presence, Rodney began to study his own hands. Noting all of the nervous, repetitive movements they were making, he watched them with detached interest for the fact that he couldn't seem to make them stop.

"Oh. So they told you about that, did they?" he managed to say without letting his voice crack.

The Wraith nodded. "They did." He turned the device over slowly in front of them, as though taunting Rodney with it. "I was curious to know what exactly you were planning to do."

"I was going to sneak out of my room, find the hangar bay, steal a dart, and escape," admitted Rodney truthfully. "Can you blame me?" He was so tired, he almost wished the Wraith would just hit him or something and get it over with so he could go back to his room and sleep. Todd had never physically hurt Rodney himself (although his crew seemed to be making a sport of it lately), but for such a serious infraction Rodney imagined he might want to inflict retribution personally.

The Wraith inclined his head. "No, I suppose not," he agreed. "Although, forgive me for pointing out that your plan was not a very sound one. It is highly unlikely you would have succeeded."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Rodney muttered wretchedly.

The Wraith stood up, still beside Rodney, but not _right _beside him, for which Rodney was grateful.

"I did not realize you had become so desperate, Dr. McKay."

Rodney closed his eyes to rub them again. When Todd put it that way, it sounded pretty damn pathetic. He hadn't realized it either, until just now.

"Yeah, well, the lack of light in here gives me a constant headache The food sucks: I'm probably malnourished and getting rickets as we speak. The assignment I've been given is totally impossible, and _oh yeah_, I'm surrounded all the time by Wraith, who _hate me_ and want to _eat me_."

Todd chuckled. It was an unnerving sound. "I'm sure they don't hate you, Dr. McKay."

"I'm sure they do! They hate having to help me, and they hate taking orders from me. Most of them growl at me when I ask them to re-check their work, like it's _my _fault they're uneducated idiots. Seriously, where did you dig up these bozos? I've never missed Zelenka more in my life."

"These individuals have more practical engineering knowledge than any other Wraith on the ship. The type of theories you've introduced are new and unfamiliar, and it is demanding much to ask them to think as quickly and innovatively as you can. They will learn the habit in time, as I did. And they are of particularly mild temperament if all they did was growl to demonstrate their displeasure."

"Well, they were happy enough beat the tar out of me when they had the chance. Some lab assistants. And you can't tell me they don't want to eat me. Just the way they look at me all the time…" Rodney wrapped his arms around himself. In his mind's eye, he could see the hungry, malevolent gazes that surrounded him all day in his work area, and usually all night in his dreams. He shuddered. "You have no idea how much I hate it. It makes it really hard for me, to… to…" _calm down, function, breathe…_"Concentrate."

Todd watched Rodney for a moment or two, stroking his ragged white beard.

"I will speak to them," Todd assured him finally.

Rodney couldn't imagine how that would help, but something in the way Todd said it made him believe that he would deal with it.

"Thank you. I'd appreciate that."

Todd turned to go.

"What about the escape attempt?" blurted Rodney, causing Todd to stop just before he'd reached the door. Feeling stupid, Rodney nonetheless realized that he'd rather be reprimanded promptly than live with the fear of some impending punishment.

The Wraith turned around. He slowly flicked the modified tool in his hand against the palm of the other, thinking.

"If I can improve the conditions of your stay so that you are no longer quite as _desperate_, will you agree not to make any further attempts?"

Rodney blinked. That wasn't even close to the response that he had been expecting. He took a moment to consider the offer. He wasn't sure what Todd had in mind, but it would be _something, _and right now he needed something, anything really, or at least the hope that there would be something to help him deal with it all.

For the first day of his capture, he'd imagined every minute that his friends from Atlantis would burst in and rescue him. For the next week or so, every hour. Now he fantasized about it at least once a day, but the possibility in his mind was growing more and more remote. He didn't think he could cope on his own for much longer, but knew instinctively that he had to, and he needed all the help he could get. There being no buxom hallucinations around at present, he would settle for Todd.

"Sure," he responded blankly.

"Your word, then."

Rodney looked up and nodded reluctantly. "You have my word."

The Wraith seemed satisfied. He stepped back over and handed the tool to Rodney.

"Good. In that case, you can have this back, for use in its normal capacity."

"Oh… kay. Thanks?"

Rodney stared dejectedly at the tool after Todd left him alone, musing that he probably really *wouldn't* use it now for anything other than its original intended purpose. It didn't occur to him that his word could be so binding when given to a hostile enemy, but somehow, when given to that particular Wraith, who took it so seriously, it _was. _

*~*~*


	3. Chapter 3

The second time Rodney tried to escape, they put him in a narrow cell with a bucket, a dagger, and a broken arm. When Todd finally showed up at the door, he'd been there for two days.

Rodney sat with his back to the door. Not bothering to get up from the floor, he eyed Todd in the reflection of the dagger's blade. He was sure that his Wraith 'assistants' had given it to him in hope that he'd kill himself, but he'd failed to oblige. He now contemplated the odds of successfully attacking Todd with it, but in his current condition, they weren't good.

"Where have you been?" he croaked accusingly.

"I was conducing unavoidable negotiations in another hive," the Wraith informed him unapologetically.

Rodney snorted derisively. "Did you bring water?"

"Yes. And food."

Rodney had been half-expecting neither. Careful of his left arm, he struggled to get up.

"You gave your word that you would not attempt another escape."

"Yeah, well, I fail to see how my situation has gotten any less desperate," fumed Rodney when he finally managed to get up and turn around. Stepping into the light, he let the Wraith get a good look.

Wrinkled skin, stooped posture, white hair. Rodney himself had had a lot of time to contemplate his own appearance, dimly reflected in the dagger's blade. Through the magic of genetic selection, he looked almost exactly like his maternal grandfather. The grumpy old codger had died of heart failure at the age of seventy, a fact which gave Rodney palpitations just to think about. He thrust his hand out forcefully, gesturing at Todd to give him the water pouch he'd brought.

"So much for holding up your end of the bargain," he said with his weird Grandpa Sullivan voice, before tearing off the seal of the pouch with his teeth and taking a few shallow gulps.

Todd grumbled the way he did when he was obviously displeased. "My crew was told you could be punished for infractions, but not to this extent."

Rodney glared at Todd. With effort, he pulled the water away from his mouth. "I don't know what your crew told you, and I probably can't disprove any of it, but one of them did this to me _before_ the escape attempt. Just for fun, or maybe on a dare. When you're not around your crew has some major discipline issues. _That's _why I tried to escape.

"Who?"

Rodney took another swig of water. "I don't know. It was dark, they snuck up on me in the workroom. Frankly, I think they were all in on it."

"Then they will all be punished and replaced."

"Yeah, like that worked so well the last time. Face it, this is not working out. To you Wraith, I'm just a walking Timbit."

Todd blinked. "I'm not exactly sure what a tim-bit is, but I can assure you that I've never thought of you as one, Dr. McKay."

"Gee, thanks," said Rodney insolently. "But you're probably the exception." Rodney grimaced as another sip finished off the last of the water. He tossed the pouch to the floor. "Listen. I've worked my ass off for you – you're a lot further than you were when I started. But I'm not going to be much more good to you because I'm not gonna last here! Do you understand? You _have_ to let me go!" His voice was getting high and reedy, but he didn't care.

The Wraith shook his head. "I'm afraid you don't understand my situation, Dr. McKay. This hive has been ostracized from the alliance by its leader, the Primary, since she has discovered that we are without a queen. Finishing this weapon is the only hope we have of regaining any kind of status with my people." He spread his hands apologetically, which only served to annoy Rodney even more. "I cannot let you go now, especially considering the recent breakthroughs you've managed to accomplish. It's simply not possible."

"Like hell it isn't! You can't protect me! If you don't let me go, I will die here, or I'll go insane, or, or, I'll make a bomb out of that device and blow this whole place to dust!" threatened Rodney. "You know I can, and you know you can't stop me. That thing's so close to being a bomb already it would only take a couple of mis-wired coils."

"I don't believe you would do that," replied Todd, although Rodney heard the slightest bit of doubt in his voice. Rodney stepped forward. Standing toe-to-toe with Todd, he scowled fiercely up into the Wraith's face.

"Don't. Test. Me."

Todd met this gaze calmly, though Rodney was surprised to see no trace of responding anger or indignation, only genuine regret.

"Dr. McKay, I apologize," he said quietly. "I know what it's like to be trapped, far away your people, crushed by the despair that you will never escape. But I cannot grant you the freedom you so crave. At least… allow me to give you back what has been taken from you." He raised his feeding hand to Rodney's chest, and took hold of his shoulder with the other.

Rodney was still fuming, and didn't have time to switch gears to fright before he was flooded with the most intense feeling of pleasure he'd ever had. John hadn't ever told him that if felt like _this_, and Rodney didn't blame him.

A few moments later, when it was over, Rodney was embarrassed to find himself clutching Todd's chest for support. Pushing away, he discovered that he had the use of his left arm back, tingly and weak though it felt.

Todd's breathing had become ragged, and when Rodney looked up he saw the Wraith's eyes glazed with pain.

"Thanks," Rodney managed, feeling his anger ebb away as an intense weariness set in.

The Wraith nodded and wordlessly handed over the small sack of food he'd brought, which Rodney ate silently while Todd escorted him back to his room. Rodney was momentarily too tired to argue about his continued captivity.

Pain and fear had driven away sleep for most of the last two days, and by the time they arrived at his regular cell, Rodney was drained enough to collapse.

The Wraith remained paused at the doorway, watching Rodney as he fell onto his narrow bed. Uncaring of the Wraith's presence, he squirmed out of his vest and shirt before deciding he was too tired to disrobe any further.

"I have a solution to our problem," remarked the Wraith, bemusedly, as though the thought had only just now occurred to him.

"Oh yeah?" mumbled Rodney, halfway asleep already.

"Yes. I will explain when I return, after you have had some rest."

Rodney pulled his tattered blanket over himself, more out of habit than for any need for warmth.

"Okay," he said. It didn't sound to him as though the solution involved letting him go home, so he didn't feel the need to get all excited about it. His last wispy thought was the hope that it didn't involve becoming a Wraith.

*~*~*


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: I've got to extend a big thanks to my betareaders, Agata and Tally, for their notes on this chapter. It was a lot of hard work whipping it into shape, but I really appreciate both the criticism and the support.

~**~

Rodney stared at himself in the palm-sized mirror he held in one hand, and brought the razor up to his neck. Soap he used sparingly lathered his days-old stubble. The items had all been given to him weeks ago, but he still didn't like to think about where they came from. The soap was flakey and hard, and bespoke some primitive farm. The razor and mirror were even more disturbing. A civilization capable of refining steel and creating such flawless glass was surely close to an industrial age: the age where it would be culled wholly and permanently.

Rodney tried not to think. He preoccupied himself with shaving. One clean stroke followed the next.

_"You're serious? I mean. . .no! That's a terrible idea! What's wrong with you?"_

The kicker was that things really had gotten better lately. There were lights in his work area so that he didn't have such a hard time seeing everything. The food was much improved. Better taste, more variety. He even had free time – a few hours a day, to spend as he chose. His stay had become tolerable, and his work had improved. He'd made a major discovery which meant that the project might actually succeed within years instead of decades, although he still hoped to whittle that projection down even more.

Unfortunately, the Wraith he worked with continued to be a problem. They were the ones who shoved him, hit him – hurt him, casually – as often as they could. They were the ones who stared at him hungrily, who made him feel the need to carry makeshift tool-weapons with him wherever he went. Then, it was one of them who'd finally given in to its hunger, and left Rodney with barely enough life to get himself off the floor afterward.

_"This will cement my claim upon you, and give you a place in the hive even superior to that of a worshipper. No Wraith under my command would dare harm you again." _

_"I'd rather just be a Wraith worshipper. Where do I sign up?"_

_"Even they are sometimes drained of life, especially when the crew is as hungry as this one has become. There is no other way."  
_

_"I won't do it. No way. Absolutely not – you're crazy. I will not."_

Except that he would do it, and they both knew that. At this point he would do anything. Anything. He would build the Wraith weapon. He might even build a weapon that could be used on human ships, if the task was demanded of him. He was such a worthless worm of a person sometimes.

He brought the razor up to his neck and looked himself in the eye.

When Rodney was fourteen he'd realized something: it really sucked to be Rodney McKay sometimes. His classmates hated him, and so did most of his teachers. He was different. He was smart, he was talented and determined, and he wouldn't settle for the same mediocre lives he knew they would. That was why, nearly twenty years later, while the most successful of his classmates was managing a Tim Horton's in Windsor, Ontario, he was defending the human race in _another galaxy. _Because in the end, he was _Rodney McKay_, and they were all pathetic for _not_ being Rodney McKay.

It was this thought that he clung to now. This thought which kept him safe when facing the worst danger in the known galaxies, which, for him, turned out to be himself, staring in the mirror, with a straight razor in his hand.

_'I will see Atlantis again,' _he thought to himself, and shaved the last patch of stubble from under his chin.

~**~

_"So, it's kind of like marriage?" reasoned Rodney, from what had been explained to him._

_"I suppose that would be the equivalent human term for a mating union, yes." _

_"What does the 'wedding' involve?"_

_"The union is in the act. Once it is done, others will know. They will sense it."_

_"Ah. A telepathic thing?"_

_"Yes. There is no public ritual."_

_"So we can't just not and say we did?"_

_"No. If that were an option, believe me, I would take it."_

_ "Gee thanks," remarked Rodney, without much rancor. Somehow it made him feel better to know that Todd was less than enthusiastic about this too. _

_"This project means that much to you?" asked Rodney._

_"Yes. As much as your life means to you."_

_"Okay then. I guess I have to. I mean… I will."_

~**~

Rodney finished shaving and wiped himself off just as Todd entered the room. The door slid shut behind him with an ominous sense of finality.

The Wraith deposited a small sachet of things onto the bed, and turned to Rodney, who remained frozen to the spot. Todd was looking at Rodney, but Rodney could only look at the floor. His hands were clasped behind him, and he could feel them making repetitive wringing motions without his consent.

When the Wraith started walking towards him, Rodney actually flinched, but managed with effort not to back away. As the Wraith approached him, Rodney closed his eyes, desperately and fruitlessly wishing he could turn off the lights. Wraith hives existed in a constant state of twilight, created by the glow emitted by the walls, and whatever happened next couldn't be hidden by the convenient flick of a switch. At the very least, Rodney thought he should be allowed a blindfold. Then maybe some last words and a cigarette. Although in this case, he supposed, the cigarette would be for after.

A hysterical giggle burst from Rodney's lips, which he did his best to stifle, shaking from the effort. Even when the giggling had faded, he still shook ever so slightly. Eyes screwed shut, he felt the Wraith's hands settle onto his shoulders, gently. There they stayed until Rodney stopped trembling.

"There is one tradition," explained the Wraith, softly. "That we remove each other's clothing." His hands were still on Rodney's shoulders, or Rodney might have jerked away. Todd waited another moment, then reached out with one hand and began undoing the zippers and clasps of Rodney's worn-out uniform vest.

~**~

It didn't hurt. Rodney wouldn't describe it as pain, anyway. There was a slight burning, and the feeling of being stretched. Among the items the Wraith had pulled from his sachet had been two small vials of oil, one to lubricate and the other, as far as Rodney could tell, to anesthetize. The Wraith had been very careful to apply the latter only to the one spot where it would be needed. The spot had tingled briefly, and when the Wraith began other preparations a few moments later, Rodney found it to be very accommodating.

A flat, round piece of metal had also been one of the things that Rodney had insisted he bring. This, Todd had used to cover his right palm, wrapped in strips of cloth. Rodney still feared Wraith feeding hands, and the thought of that hand touching his bare skin terrified him. The cloth that Todd had used was very soft. Rodney could feel it on his hip, where the Wraith held him steady as he thrust into Rodney at a slow, almost languid pace.

The most painful part had been when he'd had to undress Todd himself. Wraith clothes were complicated, he'd realized, full of fiddly buttons and clasps. It had been painfully embarrassing because he'd had no clothes left on himself, and as his hands roamed and patted the Wraith's body, searching for hidden clasps, it was plainly apparent that his own body was responding to the open display of flesh. It was a problem he hadn't had to deal with since high school gym class, and having to face it now brought back painful memories.

He liked women. He did. Rodney loved the soft curves of their bodies, their breasts, hips and thighs. It was absurd that he could be equally aroused by the hard muscle and angular lines of the fit male form. He wasn't… like that. Yet he was. He'd just never admitted it to anyone, not even himself.

Now Todd knew his secret, and having somebody else know meant Rodney couldn't deny it anymore. Having to be so close, having to touch him, feel the warmth radiating from his skin, smell the distinctly male scent of his body… it made his blood pump faster. It made his cheeks flush and his nerves shiver, and it made him hard.

When they were finally ready and the Wraith had led him towards the bed, he'd felt like a teenager again, unable to control his own body and deeply ashamed of it.

His erection hadn't gone away. It bobbed just above his abdomen, brushing its leaking head against his skin with every thrust the Wraith made. Nothing seemed to help. Looking at Todd didn't help, for all that Rodney was still afraid of him. On his back, hips and ass raised up, Rodney had an excellent if unwanted view of the Wraith fucking him slowly. The sleek muscles of his torso shifted with movement beneath his death-pale skin, taut and well-defined, powerful and alien. Watching him move created a frisson of mingled fright and arousal that sent sparks down Rodney's spine, straight to his groin.

Closing his eyes didn't help either, since that only made him more aware of the sound their flesh was making as the Wraith drove in again and again. Rodney wanted nothing more than to lie back and think of Atlantis, but the sheer physicality of their coupling kept him firmly in the here and now, made him aware of very little except their two bodies grinding together. The ache that was growing in his thighs from being spread wide for so long was cancelled out by the surge of pleasure he felt every time the Wraith's member brushed a certain spot inside. He often had to bite his lip to keep from moaning.

A low rumble began deep in the Wraith's throat, something between a purr and a growl, and he increased the pace and force of his thrusts – Rodney sensed that he was near climax. With one arm Todd reached behind the human to lift him up and pull him near. Growling ferociously, he delivered his seed deep inside of Rodney with a few powerful thrusts.

They stayed close to him for a few moments, before Todd lowered Rodney back onto the bed. The Wraith's ragged hair made a loose curtain around his face as he looked into Rodney's eyes. When he smiled that sly, knowing smile, Rodney even found himself able to smile back, elated as he was that it was over.

_That's it? _He thought to himself. _That wasn't so bad._

Then Todd looked down, and noticing Rodney's strained erection, reached down between them and began to stroke him.

"Oh! Really, no, you don't have to–" Rodney managed before being silenced by the intensity of the sensation. He hadn't realized how long and how much he'd been aroused; he hadn't guessed how good the Wraith's firm strokes would feel. Head rolled back, he allowed the Wraith to stroke him to climax, and heedlessly spurted his release all over his stomach and the Wraith's hand.

When Rodney's breathing recovered, the Wraith was still there, watching. He wore a strange expression, one that Rodney couldn't read.

Unafraid, Rodney met the Wraith's gaze. It was as though all of his emotions had finally blown a fuse, after running on high for so long. He felt as close to calm as he'd felt in months.

The Wraith leaned over, and Rodney could feel his long hair falling around him, brushing his shoulders and the edges of his face, until he was so close that Rodney could feel his breath. Pressing their foreheads together, he closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again he said:

**"**Sekarr**."**

Rodney waited for further explanation, but none came.

"Sekarr?" he replied. At this the Wraith smiled again.

"Yes. My name."

"Oh," said Rodney. "That's… a good name. Simple. I might actually remember that." And, after a thought occurred to him, "My name's Meredith. Meredith Rodney McKay."

"Meredith Rodney McKay."

"Yeah. But please, please, don't use that name in front of other people."

The Wraith, his mate now, his spouse, chuckled. "I was just going to say something similar."

~**~


	5. Chapter 5

There was no indication how they knew exactly, when Rodney returned to his lab the following day, but he became aware of the change almost immediately. Whether they sensed it somehow as soon as he came into the room, or whether there had been some telepathic tom-peepery going on last night, he would be left to wonder. The first thing he noted after his initial anxiety at being alone once again with his lab 'assistants' was the fact that they all stopped what they were doing when he stepped through the door and turned towards him, standing straight, eyes lowered, for a second or two before returning to their work. It was, he realized, a less formal version of a salute, and an extremely efficient morning greeting.

It was all about posture and body language with the Wraith. It showed now in the little things, like they way they turned to him when he was talking to them, instead of doing their level best to ignore him even if he was shouting in their faces, or the way they suddenly acknowledged his personal space boundaries. They stood a respectable arm's length away when they were working near him, they didn't 'accidentally' bump into him anymore, and they actually moved out of the way when he approached to go past them.

The best part, the _best _part, was that they now took great pains to avoid eye contact, unless he was addressing them directly. He no longer had to meet their challenging gazes with every order he gave, and he no longer felt them watching him hungrily everywhere he went.

It was good. Really good. So much better than the time Rodney had returned to find half of them replaced, and the other half sporting cuts, fractures, and missing teeth, part of their punishment for an earlier vicious attack on their human 'supervisor'. Then, he'd had to endure the collective glare of eight angry Wraith, half of whom were in pain because of him, and the other half having been pulled from other, more comfortable positions to work for a weak, whiny human.

He still kept the heaviest wrench-like toolhe could find tucked in his belt, and he still watched them all out of the corner of his eye, but after the first few days he could actually concentrate on his work without worrying about another attack.

Rodney and his team started making better progress, and Todd began coming around to check on the project, which Rodney enjoyed for the fact that he was the only one around who could understand Rodney's new ideas without needing to have them explained five times and with finger puppets. Sometimes he even stayed to discuss them, and to help Rodney tinker with the equipment.

It was on such a night, about a week after their union, that Todd stayed later than usual, and the discussions began to waver off of the subject of science.

"_How _many kids?"

The Wraith shrugged. "No more than a few hundred are left alive now, I'm sure. The war has taken its toll."

"But… they're not all here with you now, are they?"

"No. They were scattered even before I was captured. I know not where."

"What, you don't… keep in touch, you know, on birthdays or anything?"

At this, the Wraith threw back his head and _laughed_.

"Parental bonds mean very little to the Wraith. I gave them my genes and owe them nothing. They will live and die on their own strengths."

Rodney shook his head. "And I thought _my_ dad was a rotten father."

Seated across from him, the Wraith chose one of the pieces from their playing board and moved it. Rodney considered his options, trying to veer his mind away from the dreadful implication that he technically had step-children.

The game was a Genii pastime, similar to chess. Todd had learned it watching his jailers during captivity. He'd taught it only recently to Rodney in compensation for the fact that most Wraith games played on the ship during recreational hours were far too violent to be played by humans, and Rodney was always complaining that there was 'nothing to do'.

It wasn't long before Rodney moved again. The game was simple to learn, but unfamiliar enough to both of them that they were still working out advanced strategies.

"What about their mother, your, ah, first wife. Did she. . .scatter away somewhere as well?" inquired Rodney, imagining that Wraith queens couldn't possibly be monogamous, but not having the courage to ask.

Todd fixed him with a glare. "If she were still alive I would be with her now. The bond between mates _is_ one that means a great deal to Wraith."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

The Wraith shook his head. "No need. While she was alive I was utterly devoted to her, so much so that I nearly didn't survive her death. Now looking back, I see how the experience shaped me for the better. Assuming control over the hive that had once been hers gave me a taste for _power_, which I have never lost, and which has been a great… comfort," he concluded, grinning wolfishly.

"That's… nice," muttered Rodney, unable to think of anything else worth saying. The Wraith's grin had far too many pointed teeth, which still, after all this time, frightened him. He shifted his concentration back to the game.

All of this reminiscing had thrown Todd off, it seemed, because Rodney won in five more turns.

"Ha!" he exclaimed, putting his last piece down triumphantly. "You. Lose. Care for a rematch?" he asked sunnily.

The Wraith smiled in return. Rodney thought he looked awfully pleased for someone who had just lost a game. Most people would be annoyed at this point, and Rodney did so enjoy that look of defeat.

"Perhaps another day," proposed the Wraith. "I believe it is now time for me to accompany you to your room."

"Already? It's not that late…" Rodney's smile faded as the implication sank in. "Oh. You mean, to… Again?"

"Yes."

Rodney winced. "Why? I mean, if we don't for a long enough time, do we stop being mated or something?"

"No. I'm asking because I want to. I'd forgotten how pleasurable the act of coupling could be." The Wraith reached out to touch Rodney's cheek with the barest of caresses. "I was under the impression that you were not unsatisfied the last time we were together."

His jaw set, Rodney wanted to argue, but found he couldn't. He was ashamed of what had happened the last time, of how he'd reacted, so much so that he couldn't bring himself to explain it.

"If you insist," he finally assented.

*~*~*

The second time was easier. He knew what to expect, and he knew where all of the Wraith's clothing needed to be unfastened. This time when Todd first pressed his stiff cock into Rodney's carefully prepared entrance, he hardly felt any burning at all. The keen embarrassment he'd felt the last time still jabbed him sharply, but it soon faded, leaving only arousal.

He kept his eyes open and watched the Wraith, who in turn watched him. His gaze traveled slowly over Rodney's body with a quiet intensity that Rodney found to be almost as intrusive as the warm, slickened cock moving inside of him. The Wraith's hands, which had been still the first time, scraped softly over Rodney's skin and lingered to caress the spots that made Rodney's breath hitch.

When Todd reached down to stroke his hard, leaking cock, Rodney allowed it without objection, only watched, and let the fear and the arousal he felt mingle freely. He looked into those terrifying alien eyes and felt his body respond wholly without his volition. He lifted his hips and spread his legs further, and saw his mate's black, slitted pupils dilate fully at the sight.

A wave of pleasure built, and Rodney let it wash over him while the Wraith sped up and growled with the effort of ploughing himself into the soft flesh of Rodney's opening.

When they both collapsed, spent and exhausted, and the Wraith rolled off of him, Rodney lay panting, his eyes closed, feeling the warm fluid dripping out of him and the hum of his sated body. He thought of absolutely nothing.

"Meredith Rodney McKay," said his mate beside him, giving Rodney a twinge of satisfaction that was somehow unrelated to the carnal pleasures he had just enjoyed.

"Yes, Sekarr…?" Rodney murmured sleepily.

But his mate had no reply. He seemed to have only wanted to say the name out loud, and let it stand as a statement on its own, as though it meant much more. Delighted to hear his own name in return, he rolled over to draw the human close, and hold him while Rodney drifted into a deep sleep.

*~*~*

Author's note: Once again, thanks ever so much to my betas Agata and Tallycola. Your support has meant so much to me. You guys rock!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Rodney glared at himself in the mirror. He wanted to glare at his clothes, but inanimate items were never very satisfying receptacles for his anger, so he looked over at his mate and scowled at him instead.

"This is _not _what I had in mind."

Todd was careful not to smile, but Rodney could see the amused glint in his eyes. "You become upset when presented with items which were obviously stolen from human settlements. I thought this would be more acceptable."

The last time Rodney had taken off his clothes to wash them, he'd become painfully aware that they were ready to fall apart at the seams and been forced, however grudgingly, to admit that he needed another outfit.

He should have been suspicious when Todd handed him the bundle of clothing with an assessing look, but it wasn't until Rodney tried it on that he realized that the warm black material wasn't leather at all.

"How can you expect me to wear this? It's a _Wraith _outfit!"

"It is durable, warm, comfortable, and it suits you well."

Rodney wouldn't go so far as to say that. Although, it didn't _not _suit him. It was a plain set of trousers and a jacket-like top, with simple lines and none of the usual embellishments. He had to admit it made him look taller and maybe even a bit thinner, though his stocky build prevented him from achieving the sleekness that most Wraith seemed to strive for.

Still, with its high neck, cinched waist, and fabric made out of that strange skin-like material that was probably, as most Wraith supplies tended to be, grown and harvested on the hive, the clothing was unmistakably _Wraith. _

"Is this some kind of ploy to keep me walking around with those embarrassing holes in my combat pants?"

The Wraith's non-smile lost its levity.

"I assure you it is not. My intentions were only to save you the discomfort of wearing clothes taken from a corpse. However, this can be arranged for you if you truly believe it necessary."

Rodney turned to the mirror and scowled at himself once more. The hard turn of his lips only served to match the outfit and make look him even more Wraith-like.

"Aw, screw it," muttered Rodney, tossing the mirror onto the bed and heading for the door. "Nobody's around to see me in it. No one who counts, anyway."

~~*~~

Rodney was allowed onto the bridge freely these days. In fact, there were very few places on the ship where he wasn't allowed, and he never needed an escort anymore. Todd was holding up his end of the bargain for now, and Rodney felt obliged to do the same.

On this particular day, Rodney needed access to the bridge controls to patch the weapon's budding systems into the main power grid, and he'd brought one of the brighter members of his team to help.

Todd was at the other end of the hive overseeing modifications to the sub-light drive, leaving his second-in-command in charge. Never having acquired Sheppard's knack for naming Wraith, Rodney acquiesced to Wraith tradition and simply called him by his rank, the Second.

From his seat on the control chair, the Second glared at him, and Rodney, glancing over from where he was crouched, noticed the hostile look, stood up and glared right back until the Second grudgingly looked away.

One of the benefits of being mated to the Commander of the hive, Rodney had been delighted to discover, was that he technically held a rank above all the other Wraith on the ship, second only to Todd himself. The Second was the only one who openly showed his resentment for this usurpation, although Rodney assumed his feelings on the subject were representative of the entire ship.

"This is no good. I need you to go down to the forward engineering section and check the interface to the power generators. I don't trust the nitwits who were supposed to have installed them earlier – you might have to re-route a few controls yourself."

His assistant hesitated, looking apprehensive. This one in particular didn't talk much, which Rodney appreciated.

"Go on! You've got a better eye for circuitry than they do. I'll re-check it myself later if it makes you feel better."

The Wraith finally left to do Rodney's bidding, overcoming what Rodney recognized to be fear of retaliation should he get it wrong.

Besides the fact that he never had to remember their names, one of Rodney's favourite things about working with the Wraith now was that corporal punishment was allowed, nay encouraged – meaning he could actually _hit _them when they screwed up, and bound by the ship's hierarchy, they weren't allowed to hit back. So hit them he did, usually with the closest blunt, heavy tool he could find, to make up for the fact that his fists were soft and pillow-y compared to Wraith's dense bone structure. Strangely enough, it wasn't very cathartic, but he did it with zeal it nonetheless.

Turning his attention back to the exposed bundle of tendrils in front of him, Rodney resumed his work clamping, cutting and re-attaching the ship's conduit veins in a procedure which made him feel more like a surgeon than a physicist. He had acquired quite a knack for modifying Wraith tech during his captivity, and the work proceeded apace.

Rodney was nearly done when he paused to wipe away the repairing goo that the ship was starting to excrete and suddenly felt the neckline of his jacket crush his windpipe as he was hauled up by the back of his collar. An unseen assailant growled with rage as Rodney was slammed face down onto the console, pain exploding in front of his eyes.

As he watched blood trickle out from his nose onto the darkened console underneath him, Rodney felt his attacker bend over him until he could feel his hot breath on his neck.

There was something terrifyingly familiar about the situation: the manner of the attack, the way his assailant pinned him from behind so that he couldn't see his face, even the very pitch of his growl. Rodney suddenly knew with certainty that this was the same Wraith who had fed on him those long months ago.

"I've had enough of you, human," the Second growled into his ear. Lifting Rodney again by his collar, the Wraith flung him towards the nearest bulkhead, causing his vision to dim as the back of his head slammed into the wall.

"You can't hurt me and expect to get away with it. Not this time," sputtered Rodney through the blood dripping into his mouth. Seeing the Wraith approach with his feeding hand pulled back, Rodney brought one arm up to cover his chest. His other hand searched frantically through the tools hanging from his belt, discovering to his horror that he'd left his heavy wall cutter on the floor near his work area.

"This hive is about to acquire a new Commander, one who doesn't care whether you are protected or not," hissed the Second as he tore Rodney's arm out of his way, slashing through clothes and skin with the metal claw-tips he wore on his fingers.

Once again the Wraith drew back his deadly right hand, preparing to slam it into Rodney's chest with enough force to break bone. Rodney saw the hand's opening gape at him, glistening with the enzyme that would burn though his clothes and skin, and prolong the agony of his death.

Something inside Rodney snapped.

He grabbed the last tool to leave his hand – a precision laser he'd been using to sever conduit veins. The tip glowed cherry red when he flicked it on, the laser extending no farther than a few millimeters from the end. Given its size and shape it resembled nothing so much as a cigarette.

Rodney jammed the tool into the Second's eye with as much force as he could muster.

The Wraith howled and staggered back. Rodney lunged for the heavy cutter. Having pulled the laser out, the Second was still bent over, growling raggedly and bleeding on the floor when Rodney bashed him on the head with the thick metal implement.

The Second fell to his knees. Rodney hit him again, this time in the neck. The blow finally floored the Wraith, but terrifyingly, he got up. And kept getting up, no matter how many times, how hard, or where Rodney hit him. He even managed to make it to his feet a few times, diving towards Rodney in a snarling, half-blind attack.

Wraith healing worked quickly. Rodney had to be faster. Eyes wild, sweat soaking his forehead, grunts escaping with every blow, Rodney swung the blunt tool at the Wraith like an axman trying to chop down a moving tree. He stopped caring where the hits landed. His muscles screamed and his lungs burned. The goddamn Wraith would not stay down.

Until finally, finally, he did. Face down, but still alive, the Second spat blood and turned his head to glare up at the human, both eyes now intact. Rodney noted the Wraith's battered ankles and smashed wrists as the probable cause of his inability to rise, and knew that he would have to keep going, and kill him, if possible, before they healed.

Arms aching, he raised the heavy cutter high, only to have it snatched away by someone behind him. Rodney whirled to face his new opponent, dropping into a crouch and casting about wildly for anything else he could use as a weapon.

There was a dagger on a belt. Rodney moved more quickly than he ever had in his life to grab the blade, and pointed it up towards the one he'd stolen it from.

The face just beyond the tip of the knife, now that Rodney had time to look at it, was that of his mate.

"What is this, Dr. McKay?" demanded Todd.

Forming a near circle around him were other Wraith, soldiers he hadn't notice come in, all aiming their formidable weapons at him.

Rodney glared at Todd for a few moments, then shakily lowered the blade to his side, although he didn't give it back.

"He… the Second, he attacked me. He was the one who fed on me before. And he was going to feed on me again." Rodney recounted with ragged breath. He felt scattered, like he wasn't quite all there, and he had trouble pulling his thoughts together. "He said… there was going to be a new Commander."

"Oh did he?" said Todd quietly, a dangerous note of anger edging into his voice. "A bold statement," he told his Second, who hissed up at him, unable to disguise his contempt any longer.

Then Todd looked up at the other Wraith in the room, pointing their stun-guns at Rodney, and, by proximity, himself. The atmosphere suddenly became very uncomfortable.

"Lower your weapons, all of you." ordered Todd calmly.

A few terrifying seconds passed in which they didn't. They looked to the Second, growling on the floor, hands literally beaten to pulp by the commander's human mate, and they looked back up to Todd and to Rodney standing beside him.

They lowered their weapons.

"Give me back my blade, Dr. McKay."

Rodney shook his head slowly, still breathing hard. "He attacked _me_. _I'm_ going to kill him," he asserted, his mind clouded by vengeful rage. "Isn't that the Wraith law?"

Todd leaned over, took his shoulder, and whispered into his ear. "Do I have to remind you that you're _not_ a Wraith?" demanded his mate quietly. Rodney scowled angrily at Todd as he pried the blade from his white-knuckled grip, but otherwise did not resist.

And so Rodney stood and witnessed Todd lean over to finish the kill, quickly pulling a knife up across the Second's throat. His blood gushed in thick black ropes thirstily absorbed into the hive ship's floor, and his body seemed to shrink before Rodney's eyes.

Rodney experienced a fierce joy watching his assailant's demise, and then a hot indignation at his mate's refusal to let him carry out his own justice. He imagined how good it must have felt to feel those cords of life being severed under his blade, the feeling of the blood pouring out onto his hand.

Then he felt sick.

He turned and fled to his room.

~~*~~

When Todd found him in his room later, Rodney was sitting on the edge of the bed, sleeves rolled up, a small bowl of water on his lap, cleaning his wounds with a rag. He didn't look up, didn't speak, barely even noticed when Todd approached and sat down beside him. In truth he was trying his hardest not to think about anything at all, and he was glad for the pain of his wounds to distract him.

"I owe you a debt," said the Wraith. "The Second was planning to challenge my command. If you had not defeated him so impressively, the others might have chosen to support his mutiny."

It took a moment for the words to get through to Rodney, and when they did, he shrugged. "Wasn't I the reason they wanted to overthrow you in the first place?"

Todd shook his head. "No, not at all. I have sensed rebellion in that one for quite some time. He had had other hopes for the direction of the hive, and I quashed his ambitions long before I captured you. I believe this would have happened eventually, with or without you here." The Wraith spread his hands. "But I'm sorry that you became his first target. As I said, I remain in your debt for stopping him before he could rally more support."

Rodney squeezed the cloth in the water and brought it up to begin wiping his nose. The Wraith's debt meant very little to him, but he liked the sentiment behind the apology. It was nice to pretend Todd cared.

"You're welcome," Rodney replied.

"There is a Wraith worshipper living on a planet nearby who could be persuaded to acquire some human clothing through trade," offered Todd.

"You don't have to. I don't think it matters. They're just clothes." It was a strange statement to Rodney's own ears because it had mattered so much this morning. The admission seemed to surprise Todd as well.

Then they sat in silence for so long that Rodney became sure that Todd would leave, but to his surprise Rodney discovered that he didn't want him to go just yet. The cadence of his voice had been quite soothing, helping to bring him back to a place where he felt calm and sane. Rodney persuaded himself to speak.

"You spent a long time in human captivity. How was that? I mean, did you notice… affects?" he inquired softly.

The Wraith paused to think. From the expression on his face he was contemplating something unpleasant.

"I couldn't say," Todd answered finally. "All I can remember from those times is hunger, and my own constant efforts to distract myself from it. Judge for yourself – do I seem... affected to you?"

Rodney looked over to him. He assumed that Todd was implying that he'd survived his captivity unscathed, and therefore so could Rodney. He nonetheless considered the question seriously.

"I didn't know you before, but all I can say now is that you're different from other Wraith. More human, somehow," he concluded.

Todd's expression shifted to one of surprise. "There's no need to be insulting, Dr. McKay," he snorted.

A slow smile spread across Rodney's face. "No, come on now. It's true. You're… intelligent for one. Reasonable. You honour your word. And, although I wouldn't say you're kind, at the very least you're not cruel. I think I've met enough Wraith by now to know what those aren't exactly common traits."

"Not common perhaps, but not unheard of. They don't set me apart as much as you think," grumbled Todd.

"Well, you seem to have acquired an appetite for human flesh that has nothing to do with feeding," pointed out Rodney. "You can't tell me _that's_ normal for a Wraith."

Todd shook his head, a low growl in his throat. Rodney could tell that the Wraith didn't like where this conversation was going, but he enjoyed having scored a point nonetheless.

"_Normal_ is not something I have ever intended to be," declared the Wraith. "I never would have lived half as long or achieved half as much if I'd been as common as my peers. Nor would I have won the hand of my Queen over the thousands I competed fiercely with. It is much better to be exceptional. Although, I do admit that the Wraith do not make life easy for those with such a goal."

"Hmm. Neither do humans, to tell the truth,"admitted Rodney. Then, more timidly, he asked, "Do you think you're the same as you were back then? When you were with your Queen?"

Once again the Wraith took a moment to find his answer. A regretful sigh escaped him. "In truth, if we were somehow to meet again I don't believe she'd recognize me. The way I was when I was young and mindlessly brutal… I _have_ changed. It has happened with time. And experience, I suppose."

Rodney digested this and found it comforting somehow.

"Do you think I've changed, since I've been here?" Rodney asked. "Lately I almost feel like I'm starting to become a Wraith," he said a little too loudly, trying to make a joke of it and failing.

Todd, at least, was amused, and chuckled warmly. "You remain refreshingly human, Dr. McKay. The only Wraith-like trait you possess seems to be a remarkable tenacity for survival. But then, I'm not entirely sure that isn't a human quality as well. I'm beginning to see how humans and the Wraith may have more in common than either of us cares to admit."

This made Rodney smile, and Todd seemed satisfied that he felt better.

Lifting the bowl of water from his lap, Rodney got up and stepped over to dump it into the sink on the wall. The room had been designed for the use of a Wraith worshipper and contained the necessary human amenities. A lone shelf held all of Rodney's current possessions, including a gauze bandage from the compact first aid kit he'd had in one of his pockets when captured. Looking at it now, he realized that it was too small for his the wound, which was deeper than he'd thought and still bleeding.

Todd had risen to stand beside him and seemed to notice too. Just as Rodney was about to ask him if more bandages could be acquired, Todd reached over and began to undo the buttons of his collar.

Rodney gulped. "What are you doing?"

Having made short work of the fastenings, the Wraith now drew the clothing away to either side, exposing the center of Rodney's chest. The blunt edges of his close-trimmed nails sent warm shivers down Rodney's spine where they dragged softly along his skin, fleeting as the touch was. It still made him anxious to be so close to the Wraith, though they had shared the intimacy of Rodney's bed many times now.

"Your injuries may not heal on their own. Let me do it for you," insisted Todd, placing his feeding palm on Rodney's chest.

Rodney drew back instinctively. "No! Thank you. I mean, that's okay. I really don't want to start getting addicted to your, um, enzymes. And as much as I appreciated the few extra years I think you gave me the last time, I don't want to start looking too young. My friends won't recognize me when I get back."

Todd lowered his hand, and Rodney almost thought he saw a brief moment of sadness cross his face.

"I have nothing else with which to reward you. It will not take much. Please, allow me."

Rodney wanted only one reward – he wanted to go home. But he never asked for that anymore. He hadn't even considered it. Atlantis seemed so far away now, further every day. He let the Wraith approach and, looking up at him, nodded.

The touch of his mate's hand on his chest made him shiver, and soon Rodney felt a tingly warmth spreading out through his entire body. He could feel every nerve begin to hum with pleasure, from the tips of his fingers to the end of his toes. The sensation was nowhere near as rapturous as the last time, but it was still warm and melty and _good_. When it faded, a few moments later, Rodney found that he was sorry it was over.

Todd withdrew his hand, and Rodney swayed a little. Opening his eyes, he checked the cuts. Under a residual sheen of blood, the skin was whole.

"Better?" inquired the Wraith.

"Yes, much." Once again aware of how close they were, Rodney turned away to grab another rag from the shelf and wipe his arm clean.

"Good." Nodding in satisfaction, Todd opened his mouth to speak again, but hesitated. "It is getting late, and you may want to rest," the Wraith said finally. "Goodnight, Dr. McKay."

Rodney hesitantly spoke out. "Wait, please."

Todd stopped and turned back around.

"I, ah… really appreciate it, you know. Both this," he gestured to his arm, "and, well, everything else. You've treated me better than we treated you when we had you back in Atlantis. Except for the, um, sex thing. But even that's, well, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. At least it's… distracting."

Rodney gulped and felt his cheeks getting warm. "I wanted to let you know that I… I really hate it here. You have no _idea_. I feel like I'm dying. Or maybe just changing. I keep having these nightmares that my friends come to rescue me, but there's nothing left of me for them to rescue… and I…" He looked up at his mate's expression, knowing what he was about to say before he said it.

"I'm not asking what you think I am," Rodney assured his mate. "I guess, what I'm saying is… I just have this feeling that at least _you _know who I am, and if I forget, you'll remind me. I appreciate that." He looked down, twiddled his fingers and took a deep breath.

"And I want you to stay tonight. I think I could use a distraction."

~~*~~

They removed each other's clothes hastily, not bothering to wait turns. Arms tangled awkwardly as they worked to disrobe at the same time, and Rodney broke tradition by kicking his own boots off.

Rodney had been the one to ask for this, and he was terribly embarrassed. He wanted to hurry up to the part where he wouldn't be, which usually arrived sometime after he spread his legs, but before the Wraith first pushed himself into Rodney's entrance.

In between, Rodney kneaded his partner's shoulders impatiently, waved off the numbing liquid and helped spread the lubricant over the Wraith's thick cock. Although he didn't hesitate, he realized once he was holding it that this was the first time he'd ever touched the Wraith there with his hands. It felt human enough, for which he was thankful, and he rubbed the slick liquid from the base to the tip, stretching a few drops out to cover the whole shaft.

Carefully, Todd stretched and prepared Rodney with his fingers. Rodney could feel it more this time, as his mate's gentle ministrations slowly relaxed the tense ring of muscle. He felt the Wraith caress the spot inside of him that always made him moan, and this time he didn't hold back.

_ Yes, right there._

Soon enough the fingers withdrew, and Rodney looked up at Todd's face to see the expression of lust there. It was time, and he was ready. Lifting his hips, he let the Wraith settle himself between his legs, and with a gentle push, Todd nudged the head of his dick inside the tight hole.

Rodney's breath hitched. He could _really _feel it now. Watching the Wraith's cock disappear inside of him made it somehow so much more real. The meaty organ stretched him wide, slowly inching its way deeper until Rodney felt his partner's sac press up against the cleft of his ass.

He bit his lip and let his legs fall open as far as they would go, uncaring of how wanton he might look. This was always the point in their coupling which he remembered with shame, when he cared to think about it at all. He should be disgusted by what was happening, by the alien body on top of him and by his own willingness, but his mind was a fog, concerned only with friction and the sharp jolts of pleasure he knew it would produce. Rodney's grip on Todd's thighs would have been strong enough to leave bruises, if he'd been human.

_ Go, move,_ he thought desperately.

As if in response to the mental command, the Wraith did, pulling out nearly all the way and then burying himself to the hilt again, taking him with a few long, slow strokes before settling into the languid, rolling pace he seemed to prefer.

Rodney was completely focused on the sensation of the Wraith's cock moving inside him. Little sounds escaped his lips with every thrust. His hand wandered to his own arousal, lying in wait on his abdomen. He didn't want to come right away like a schoolboy, so he stroked himself lightly, almost teasingly.

Reaching up with his other hand to touch his mate's chest, feeling the power of the muscles underneath the pale, blotched skin, Rodney wondered what the Wraith saw in his soft human body that transfixed him so utterly.

Their eyes met.

"You can go faster. I won't break," Rodney urged breathlessly and watched the Wraith's eyes light up.

Todd leaned over without missing a stroke. "You might," the Wraith's deep voice rumbled into his ear.

Rodney felt an impish grin creep up onto his features. "I'd like to see you try," he challenged.

The Wraith snorted hard, a coarse animal sound that would have been more appropriate coming from a horse. Rodney didn't think his mate's pupils could dilate any further, but he watched with delight as they widened to near roundness. Underneath his hand, he could feel a deep vibration begin in his mate's chest, the alien purr he'd come to know so well.

Leaning back just a little, Todd hoisted first one of Rodney's legs over his shoulder, then the other. Their eyes never broke contact, and Rodney saw the edges of the Wraith's mouth curl up into a wicked smile.

The next thrust went deeper than any that Rodney had felt so far, because of both the new position and the increased force. A whimper escaped him, in response to the intensity of the new sensation and in anticipation of what it foreshadowed.

Slowly the Wraith began to build up tempo. A shiver of fright overtook Rodney as he realized he must relax or risk being injured. It occurred to him that he had no idea what he was asking for; it might be more than he could handle. He didn't know if there was any way to back out now, and he didn't know if he wanted to. The fear was almost as exciting as the pleasure, and he let it build, physically manifesting as an electric tingle that started in his spine and went straight to his groin.

The vulgar noise of skin smacking against skin rose in volume as the Wraith's thrusts intensified. Soon the force he was using to slam into Rodney shook him to his core.

In this position, Rodney was helpless to control the movement of his body sliding back and forth on the bed, rocked by the Wraith's furious pounding. The intense fucking took place with no effort at all on Rodney's part. It was all he could do to grip the blankets underneath him. He didn't even have to lift his own legs – Todd held them up effortlessly, lifting Rodney's ass off the bed to give himself a better angle as if he weighed no more than a large doll. When Rodney stuffed one fist in his mouth to keep from crying out too loudly, the Wraith reached down to remove it, reveling in the sounds that Rodney made. The zeal with which he fucked Rodney certainly seemed designed to produce as much noise from him as possible. Shifting his hips in slow circles, the Wraith adjusted his angle of entry until he found the one that made Rodney cry out the loudest and then proceeded to batter the spot mercilessly.

Rodney threw his head back and screamed.

Almost without warning his climax overtook him, seizing him with such intensity that it made his vision white out. Arching up with abandon, he spurted his release all over his chest. A few droplets even fell on his face.

When the last bit of warm liquid had spilled out of him, his cries finally subsided. Todd relented in his punishing assault and lowered Rodney's legs to a more sedate position. As Rodney's body relaxed into a boneless puddle, the Wraith leaned over until he was nearly covering Rodney and once again took up a leisurely, sensual pace. Smirking, he purred like a cat and looked almost as satisfied as Rodney felt with the showy climax.

The Wraith showed no sign of finishing soon. As far as Rodney was concerned, he could keep going forever. Nothing troubled Rodney while his mate was inside of him. The dark thoughts that constantly pressed down on him dissolved like sea foam. It didn't matter that he was trapped in a hostile place where there was a good chance he might not survive. It didn't matter that he'd entered into an unnatural and exploitative relationship with a Wraith, and that being intimately used by him was the highlight of his week. He didn't feel the yearning tug of Atlantis, the ache of being far from home that was so strong sometimes he felt it might tear him apart. The reality of these things still existed, but Rodney had found a way to cope that would keep him from going well and truly go insane. If all he had to hold onto anymore was the bliss of physical pleasure, in the face of fear and despair, then he'd take it.

His mind was a more oppressive prison than any physical cage could be, and this was as close to free as he could get.

~~*~~


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The Wraith stayed the night again. It had bothered Rodney the first time he'd done it, but that had been so long ago. He was used to it now.

Lying sleepily on his side, Rodney felt the rise and fall of his mate's chest against his cheek. He knew from the speed of the breathing that Todd was awake. Asleep, his breathing slowed to almost nothing, and he was so still that he seemed dead. That too had bothered Rodney at first, but no longer did.

"How long have I been here?" Rodney asked.

With his head on his mate's chest, he felt him take a breath and felt the answer rumble up from a place much deeper than where human vocal chords were situated. "Does it matter?"

Rodney gave it some thought, and smiled. "No, I guess not," he replied smugly. "Since I'll be leaving soon anyways."

His mate opened his eyes, and Rodney heard his breath falter slightly before resuming. Evidently he hadn't been expecting that answer.

"Today's the day, remember?" he explained, practically grinning now.

On the small of his back, Todd's hand stroked his skin absentmindedly.

"Ah yes. I suppose you're right."

"Of course I am," Rodney replied and pushed himself up out of bed, eager to begin. "When am I not?"

~~*~~

Today was a big day. _The _big day. All of the components had been tested, and assembly was complete. Now that all diagnostics and calibrations were finished, there was only one thing left to do: point it at some Wraith tech and watch the resulting explosion.

Rodney couldn't wait.

"What do you think you're doing!" he screamed. "If you start that diagnostic again, it'll delay testing for another day. I checked the calibrations myself, it's perfect. Leave it alone! Really, scram, you pea-brained idiot, before I decide to test it on _you_!" Raising his heavy wall-cutter threateningly, Rodney watched the offending technician back away.

"They are nervous," Todd explained. "If this doesn't work, the whole hive could be destroyed."

"Of course it'll work! _I_ built it! If I was going to blow us all up on purpose, I would've done it a long time ago." Rodney surveyed his assistants with grim determination. "Believe me, after all that I've been through, _it'll work_. And then I'm going home."

_Home home home. _The words passed through his head like a mantra.

Home. Atlantis. John, Teyla, and Ronon. Jennifer Keller. Hell, even Radek. Real food. Earth. Jeannie. And everything else.

He hoped nothing had changed because he wanted it all back, just the way it was. It was all he could think about.

By midday they reached their selected testing ground. It was the scene of a battle long ago between the Ancients and the Wraith. As battles went, it must have been epic; shattered bits of half-destroyed darts and cruisers littered space like an asteroid field. His mate had assured Rodney that the Wraith had won this battle, but he couldn't tell that looking at the debris.

"No, not that one. Wait for it. I thought I saw… yes! There!" Rodney pointed. "That's our test target."

It was a hive ship, or very nearly half of one, and it was easily the largest object in the drifting field of rubble.

Rodney looked over to his mate. They were both grinning like schoolboys about to pull a very naughty prank.

"Target that hive," commanded Todd.

A few moments passed while the weapons technician dithered at his station until Rodney turned his head to glare at him. "Target acquired," the Wraith finally said.

"Fire."

The helmsman, to his credit, did so without hesitation. Even Rodney was surprised by the speed and ferocious strength of the energy wave that burst forth to strike the half-hive. Punching through the shell of the hive, the beam continued out though the other side into space and left in its wake a molten green substance where the hive walls used to be.

The beam stopped. Its work was done.

From the entry point, a glowing lattice of energy spread out through the hive, reaching out to infect the whole ship within a few scant seconds.

Then the hive exploded with a spectacular burst of green light, shattering into bits as though it were made of fine china.

Bathed in the bright glow coming from the monitors, Rodney himself felt a similar explosion of sheer joy and relief, and he squinted at the light until it faded, leaving only a cloud of green dust. He was certain there wouldn't be a problem , but the Wraith around him anxiously checked their displays, monitoring for indications that their own ship may have been infected by the deadly substance. He was glad everyone around him was so busy because he had the insane urge to try a high-five, and he knew that would go even worse than it usually did.

This was his triumph, the culmination of all of his hard work. His golden ticket.

Looking over to his mate, he expected to see joy mirrored in his face as well, knowing that Todd had even more invested in this project than he did. Instead he was surprised to find that his mate's expression had grown somber, even grave, as though he were contemplating something dire. But noticing Rodney looking at him, Todd gave him an answering smile.

"Well done, Dr. McKay," he said simply, his voice infused with warmth and gratitude.

Rodney puffed with pride, and chalked Todd's earlier expression up to concern for the future. Now that he had the weapon, he would have to use it against other Wraith. For Todd, this was only the beginning of his struggle.

But whatever those plans were, Rodney was ecstatic he wouldn't be around to witness them. As soon as they could reach the nearest stargate, he was going _home_.

~~*~~

They took leave of the bridge to retire to Rodney's quarters for a little private celebration. On the way, Rodney marveled at how different everything looked now that he knew he would be leaving soon. It was like going through a haunted house for a second time with the lights all on. What was dark and frightening before now seemed mundane and harmless. He felt like nothing here had the power to hurt him anymore.

Still euphoric from the achievement of his goal, Rodney practically floated through the halls, mentally saying goodbye and good riddance to everything he saw.

_Goodbye dark hallways, goodbye cramped workroom, goodbye stupid, stupid assistants. I'll always remember how stupid you were. _

When they made it to his bedroom, Rodney turned to his mate. Even Todd seemed changed now, but in a different way from everything else.

Through the whole of Rodney's captivity, a miasma of dread had made everything around him seem large and dangerous. Now Rodney sensed that it was all somehow diminished, and he was free to feel bare contempt untainted by the awe that fear had induced.

But he had no contempt for Todd. In truth he was unsure of how he felt towards his so-called mate. His memories of the Wraith blended fear and pleasure, as well as the comfort of companionship and a trust that went back to the beginning of his captivity.

It wasn't even close to the end of the day, but from the way the Wraith was looking at him, they would be in bed very soon. Rodney felt an answering rush of arousal.

Wrapping his arms around Rodney, Todd whispered in his ear, "Stay."

Pulling himself closer, Rodney buried his face against his mate's neck. "No," he answered sadly. "Absolutely not." Lust-addled though his mind was, he didn't even have to think about that one.

"Please. Stay," the Wraith repeated.

Rodney drew back and looked his mate in the eye to answer him plainly. "No. I'd go insane." He watched Todd's face as the Wraith accepted this irrefutable truth.

Todd lifted his hand to stroke Rodney's jaw. His expression was difficult to read. "Then, Meredith Rodney McKay, these will be our last few hours together."

A chill went up Rodney's spine as this fact settled concretely into his mind. He had _known_ he would be leaving, but his only concern had been getting his old life back. Until this moment, he hadn't realized he had anything at all here that he would have to give up in exchange. 

Rodney honestly didn't know how to respond. He wouldn't say he was sorry because he wasn't.

Impulsively, he reached behind his mate's neck and brought their lips to meet for the very first time. The Wraith's thin beard brushed Rodney's chin, giving him pause, but it was too late to back out. Todd's lips were warm and smooth, yielding not at all to the press of Rodney's own lips against them. Rodney had never kissed anyone before who didn't know how to kiss back, and he pulled away sheepishly.

Todd only looked amused. "What was that?" he inquired.

Rodney waved his hand dismissively. "Just a human thing," he answered. "A human thing from my galaxy, anyways. I think it's supposed to be a way of sampling pheromones or something," he explained with a shrug. "I'd forgotten that Wraith aren't as orally fixated as humans are."

"Ah," replied Todd. "Was my response not correct?"

"Nope. Not even close." Rodney was just thinking about how unwise it would be to try to teach a Wraith how to kiss, when Todd took both of his shoulders and drew him closer.

"Would you like to try again?" the Wraith purred in a voice that made Rodney's knees gooey.

"Sure," he replied, his voice high and thin. So Rodney kissed him again, a little more forcefully this time, moving his lips in such a way that he hoped would lead the Wraith to do the same.

Fortunately, Todd was a quick learner, his lips shifting and parting ever so slightly in response to Rodney's own. He tasted like seawater, strong but not unpleasantly so. Before he could be overwhelmed by the urge to kiss him harder, Rodney pulled back, not wanting to risk injury from the Wraith's sharp teeth. Instead he lowered himself back down to his heels and laid his forehead on his mate's shoulder, waiting for his breath to slow down.

"Well…" Rodney began. He really was terrible at these things. "I guess we shouldn't waste anymore time then," he concluded and reverently began to remove his mate's clothing.

~~*~~

Even the sex was different this time, though Rodney wished it wasn't. He was used to mindless screwing. He _liked _the mindless screwing, but now he just couldn't seem to shut his brain off.

It was like being an amnesiac whose memories were flooding back. Events replayed themselves in his mind as though he were seeing them for the first time. Thoughts occurred to him which were months tardy.

While he was undressing his mate, Rodney thought about the ease with which they spent time together now and mused that being mated was in many ways like owning a cat. He never felt judged by Todd in the same way that he felt judged by other people – there were no esoteric social rules to follow when they were together. His presence was so undemanding that Rodney could spend all day with him. Often lately he did.

With every piece of clothing he stripped away, Rodney leaned in to caress and taste his mate's body. He thought of how satisfying it was to touch and be touched whenever he wanted, as he had done for months now, without the unease that usually accompanied physical contact. He wasn't sure if he could ever achieve that level of comfort with another human.

When they were both undressed they led each other to bed, and Rodney indicated wordlessly that he would like to start on his knees. It was easier for him that way, not having to spread his legs wide for so long. Rodney knew they'd want to be face to face soon enough, for they both took such pleasure in looking at one another, but there would be time for that later. They had joined in bed so many times, their preferences were known to each other by heart. Rodney couldn't remember ever having a partner who knew him so well.

It wasn't until the Wraith slid home for the first time that Rodney's internal thought-train derailed with one final comment: _ooh, that's nice_.

Rodney closed his eyes and leaned down into his pillow while the Wraith pushed into him from behind. Images continued to flash in his head, scenes of their time spent together. It was as though his mind was furiously working to find some kind of closure while their bodies played out this final act together.

He knew they had precious little time left. There was a sense of urgency to their coupling, stretched out to an almost unbearable tensionas they did everything in their power to hold back the end. Every position they knew was revisited. Every inch of flesh was explored and memorized. They wrung as much pleasure as they could out of every moment, stretching their last scene out into a blur of desperate passion.

When they finally finished, they did so together. Rodney came a second time, lying on his back, spilling warm slickness over his stomach while his partner filled him inside with one furious thrust and a hot gush of seed. Unwrapping his legs from Todd, Rodney settled limply onto the bed, exhausted beyond reason. He waited for his vision to refocus and his breath to return while Todd reluctantly withdrew.

The Wraith remained close to Rodney, pressed body-to-body, breathing him in. Rodney could feel the rumble of his purr against his chest and lifted one hand to knead the muscles of his mate's arm.

Todd finally lifted himself away, and Rodney smiled lazily at him. He realized that he wasn't the least bit afraid anymore. Not of the pale skin, or the muscles, or the large frame. Not of the teeth, or the eyes, or the hair. The alien-ness didn't bother him in the slightest. The fear had turned into something else, a kind of deep, secret enjoyment of all the things that made them different.

He wasn't even afraid of the hand. He noticed for the first time that it was unwrapped tonight and remembered how that would have sent him into hysterics only a few scant months ago. Rodney caught the hand in his own, caressed the ridged opening with his thumb, and wondered at how silly he'd been, this whole time. It was his mate's hand, like the skin and the muscle, the teeth and the eyes, and Rodney loved his mate, he finally realized. Loved everything about him.

He watched while Todd lowered the hand onto his the middle of his chest, right below his breastbone and felt a sting as it settled there. The goofy, contented smile on Rodney's face drained away slowly as he came to understand what that meant.

He was going to kill Rodney.

Rodney stared up at the Wraith, who was hovering above him, watching him, the expression on his face one of expectation, as though he was waiting for something from him, waiting for him to react.

Absentmindedly, Rodney's fingers made a few feeble tugs, trying to nudge the hand away, but surprisingly, he still wasn't afraid. 

Mostly he felt cold. Very cold. 

"You never intended to let me go, did you?" asked Rodney.

His mate cocked his head. "No, I did not," he replied. His voice was smooth and rich, the voice he used to apologize and to placate if they were arguing. His voice always expressed more than his words. Rodney honestly loved that voice. The only thing about his mate that he loved more was his brilliant mind, which must have realized long ago, as Rodney realized only just now, that he couldn't be allowed to live knowing what he knew about the devastating weapon they'd built.

"Then you might as well get it over with," whispered Rodney harshly. His hands, now stilled, were resting on his lover's hand. He felt the beat of his own heart underneath.

Rodney marveled that even now, he felt no fear. As he stared up at his mate's face, he wanted to lift his hand and touch it. For the face, and the mind, and the body, and the hand, all he could feel was love. An endless pit of despair yawning open beneath him.

Blinking away hot tears, he fought to keep his eyes open. It was all he could do. He couldn't think of anything to say, not a single word he could use to beg for his life, to soften his mate's resolve. If he was going to die, he would die looking into the eyes of his beloved, for whatever that was worth.

He waited and watched the shadows of emotion cross his mate's face, so veiled that he doubted anyone else could have seen them. Tenderness. Anguish. Resentment. Then finally a cold, terrible resolve.

The feeding began. Rodney's body lurched up, no longer in his control. A cry escaped his lips, and a veil of pain passed over his vision like a heavy red curtain, obscuring everything.

~~*~~


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue

His whole body throbbed with pain. Rodney couldn't be sure how long he languished in it until he realized he still had a body to be hurt. The pain he felt was only an echo of the agony he had known while being fed upon.

He was still alive.

His mate's face floated above him.

"I cannot," stated Todd simply. His voice sounded tired, resigned.

Rodney glanced down to see a thin trickle of blood run down from where the Wraith had removed his hand.

It had felt like an eternity, but the feeding had only lasted a few seconds.

Rodney stared up, seeing nothing, fighting both the urge to cringe away from his mate, and the urge to cling to him.

"Will you forgive me if I let you go back?"

Shivering, Rodney tried to keep himself as still as possible. The fear was catching up to him.

"No," he replied. _Never. Not in a million years. I'll never forgive you for this. _

The Wraith sighed. "Fair enough," he said and lifted himself up off the bed.

Rodney closed his eyes and waited, trembling, while Todd dressed himself. He could feel wave after wave of belated fear washing over him. When he finally heard the footsteps leaving the room, his muscles were hot and sore from the effort of trying to stay perfectly still.

He rolled over onto his side, drew himself inwards as tightly as he could, and, for the first time, let himself break utterly.

~~*~~

One Day Later

~~*~~

Jennifer was wearing perfume, and Rodney thought he was going to die.

Perfume! Real perfume! On a woman! A _human _woman! He leaned in, unable to help himself.

"So then I parked the dart and took off into the woods—nice perfume, by the way—and by the time they found the dart, I'd already reached the gate." He was babbling, and he just couldn't stop. He felt delirious and was sure he looked delirious as well. The uniform he wore, the one in which he'd been captured, hung off of him in rags, and he squinted constantly because all of the lights were much too bright for his eyes. And he was happy. So happy he thought he might start singing or dancing, or hugging everyone. It was only with effort that he restrained himself to grinning maniacally.

Since his story more or less jived with what SGC already knew, he was spared the indignity of full quarantine but was nonetheless the subject of a very thorough examination. The difference was that Dr. Keller didn't have to wear a hazmat suit, and he got the pleasure of smelling her perfume. Strangely enough, it made him hungry.

"Is there any chance I could get something to eat?" he asked of one of the nurses.

"Sounds like the McKay I know," said Ronon as he came into the room with Teyla and John.

Teyla's smile was warm and welcoming. God, he'd forgotten how beautiful she was. Ronon's eyes twinkled with joy, his face expressing everything that his words wouldn't. John was smiling as well, but in a reserved, concerned way that Rodney still found touching. Rodney couldn't remember the last time he'd seen three smiles in a room. In a way, they were almost brighter to him than the sunlight streaming in from the window and just as hard to adjust to.

He felt his own grin falter, ever so slightly.

"Well, preliminary scans all check out. You're neither replicator nor clone, and it doesn't look like you've been contaminated with any kind of virus or implanted with any devices. Other than that feeding mark, you have trace damage from cracked ribs and a broken arm that didn't quite set evenly, as well as a slight vitamin deficiency, but you're definitely the same old McKay you were two years ago," said Dr. Keller, to John as much as to Rodney. Instantly, John's expression changed to one of pure relief and joy. Rodney almost had to avert his eyes. He started babbling again to compensate.

"Yeah, the ribs are from my first escape attempt, the arm was my second, but for the third, all I got was this." Rodney raised his arm and pointed to his elbow, which bore a band-aid over a small scratch that he'd acquired while being accompanied through the woods towards the nearest stargate. "Not bad, eh?"

"That's great, Rodney," replied John, although it was obvious that hearing about his injuries had bothered him. Rodney wondered if people had always been so easy to read. 

With Jennifer now out of range, and his hand so close to his face, Rodney suddenly caught a whiff of himself. He'd washed with the last of his soap before he left, but he could still smell something strong and musky. Bringing his arm up, he took another sniff.

"God, I smell like a Wraith," he mused. Not just any Wraith. He smelled like _the _Wraith. The one who'd escorted him to the stargate which would take him to New Athos and who had watched impassively from the controls while his human 'mate' approached the gate. The one Rodney had looked back to, before he stepped through, and whose face had been anything but impassive at that moment, just before Rodney left him for good.

Rodney wondered why he'd never noticed that smell before. He resisted the urge, just barely, to sniff again, deeply, and he became aware that his smile had now completely faded. Looking up to his friends, he saw their concerned glances at one another. He knew he wasn't at all the 'same old McKay,' and that it was possible he never would be. He hoped with all of his heart that they would understand.

Then Teyla stepped forward and put her arms around him.

"It is _good _to have you back, Rodney," she said, while her arms still encircled and warmed him.

Looking up, Rodney saw John and Ronon, concerned and a little sad, but joyful nonetheless. Rodney closed his eyes to bask in the three of them.

"It's good to be back," replied Rodney. "So, so good. Everything's going to be okay now."

He desperately wished it were true, but it wasn't. He was far too broken for that.

~~*~~

End of Part 1

~~*~~

Author's note: Well there it is. Please let me know if you enjoyed this story, and what you enjoyed about it. This is a really niche pairing, so any comments are appreciated.

I'm planning a follow up story, but unfortunately I won't have time to write it for a few months. Your patience is, as always, appreciated.

I'd like to thank my lovely and talented betareaders: Agata, Tallycola, and Venculus and Enodemon. I needed *so* much prodding and hand-holding through this story, and without their help I probably wouldn't have finished. I am eternally in their debt.


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